What ever happened to fighting for what you want?
We watch movies where men become infatuated and driven to “get the girl.” They fight, they cry, they act like women. In turn, women romanticize this idea that men will fight for them in real life. Sadly, the last man I actually saw fight for anything was on the news dressed in camouflage.
Everything is now too easy. If you aren’t getting it in one place, you can get it somewhere else. But how is that working out for us?
A business man does not decide he will start his own business on Saturday and on Monday have a multi-million dollar company which allows him to work 3 days a week and travel 4 months out of the year.
Please tell me the last time you were walking down the street, your hat blew away and a gorgeous dark and handsome man happened to catch it, give it to you, and ask you for coffee. I call this the romantic comedy meeting. It’s the way every girl dreams of meeting “the one.” You get stuck in an elevator. You are next to each other on a six hour flight from New York to LA. Your key isn’t opening your front door and your sexy neighbor HAPPENS to walk in and save the day. And why? Because girls don’t want to say: “I was 5 sheets to the wind at Down the Hatch… he took me home and I woke up in the morning covered in bruises, half naked, with vomit in my hair.” We want a good story. The story that makes other girls go “awww” because… well because we are slightly superficial that way.
We idealize the way a relationship should be. The way the man should be. He idealizes the way he imagines his girl to be. And then we refuse to accept him/her as they are. So, you either need to decide right away if the things that piss you off about your boyfriend/girlfriend are manageable or not. Can you put up with it? Can you ignore it? Can you grow to find it cute or endearing that he sucks air through his teeth when he is thinking or has a compulsive need to flirt with every waitress? Or will it drive you to a 1-year marriage and a messy divorce? Because, lets face it, as much as we all want to change… we don’t. Not like that.
So then we think someone else will be better…different… we put on our high heels and go out to find ‘the one.’ And when we think we found him, we encounter different problems, different fights and different things that drive us crazy.
As far as I can see it, there aren’t “soul mates.” There isn’t “the one.” Relationships work if two people are in the same place at the same time and want the same things. It is completely up to you. You can either decide, “I want to do this. I want to fight for this” or… you don’t. And if you decide to fight, you better make sure he wants to fight for you and it isn’t all fabricated in your head.
