"I'm not looking for anything serious." Isn't that what the dating scene has become? I don't remember the last time I went out with someone and they said "I just really am looking for the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with." In fact the thought of being with someone for the rest of your life is not really even considered normal anymore. The next 5 years, the next year, for right now... those are terms we are more acquainted with. But is this our choice or are we allowing someone else to make this decision for us?
Girls are very good at convincing themselves that they don't want anything serious either. And because a guy will never say, "Come on, Angela. You and I both know that deep down you really want something serious but you're just saying what I want to hear so you and I can continue to see each other. I don't want to hurt you." He won't say this because he has you where he wants you. You've signed a contract. You are now friends with benefits and he has no tie to you. He doesn't have to call you, he doesn't have to say you are his girlfriend and he can also see other people. If you get upset, he now has the power to say "we agreed this wasn't going to be serious, Angela." Angela will then nod her head and shut her mouth. Angela has just put herself in an abusive relationship.
Why is this abusive? Joe is abusing his privileges to know and be with Angela. Angela is a woman and women want to feel safe and loved. Women are not capable of "casual" or "not serious" because women are emotionally driven. Like a child to a teddy bear, Angela has become attached to Joe. So when Joe doesn't call when he says he will, or when he goes out with another girl, or he calls her his "friend" when introducing her, Angela's heart is slowly breaking.
This "not serious" relationship can go on for years. Angela is fully attached to Joe and sincerely believes that having what she can have of Joe is better than having nothing at all. And Joe is getting everything he wants. Angela is in love and Joe knows that he could have her whenever he wants so he is in no hurry to get any more serious. In fact, he might even date someone else for a while and then come back to Angela when things go sour.
Have you ever had the thought, "Why doesn't he want to be with me?"
Sorry to say this, but it's your fault. You put yourself in a position to give him all the power in the relationship. The second you agreed to "nothing serious" that is what you became. Nothing serious. Once you become one thing to a man, it is very difficult to make him view you as anything else. And there's always the thought that if you are "nothing serious" with him, how many other guys have you been nothing serious to?
This goes back to a point I think I made before -- if you give him everything when you are just friends with benefits, what is the incentive for him to be more serious with you?
So when you're sitting at dinner with Joe and he tells you he's not looking to get into anything serious, don't say "me either." Look him in the eye and say, "Call me when you are." The way I see it, from there the situation can pan out one of two ways:
1. He realizes he wants to be with you.
2. He doesn't. Yes this hurts, but imagine if you were "nothing serious" with him for two years. At the end of two years, he tells you he met someone. Two years of your life you spent trying to love this man that never really wanted to be with you anyways. Not only will this break your heart, it will probably put you in therapy and give you a huge complex about men.
Women need to be reminded that in a world that has become sexually and morally out of control, it's ok and more so necessary to respect yourself. If you don't, who will?
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